8 Reasons to be thankful to your dog
This is a piece I’ve been meaning to write for some time. The world has tumbled into a crazy place where we are globally fighting a pandemic which now has been circulating amongst our communities for coming up to 11 months now. Our lives as we knew it has changed in so many ways - wearing masks, sanitiser every where, keeping a distance between friends, opting for outdoor seating at restaurants, or in some places restaurants bars and pubs have been forced to shut completely.
Many of us lived through a complete lock down earlier this year. We were unable to leave our homes except for essential reasons such as grocery shopping and exercise. We were unable to see friends and family for months. Social gatherings took place over Zoom. We saw many businesses being forced to shut down, many permanently. Many of us lost our jobs, or worse, loved ones. It’s been a time of huge uncertainty and anxiety, but I also see that many of us have been able to come through this experience and able to focus on what is really important to us.
Lockdown forced many of us to strip down our lives; to think more, feel more and appreciate more of what we have. We lost the distractions that life throws at us when we’re busy running around between work and appointments and social meetings. It also made us realise how important it is for us to be able to be with friends and family and feel that connection that bonds us.
Without something anchoring me, I am certain that the initial weeks of stress and anxiety of lockdown would have got the best of me. Whilst as a parent, I should say that my children were the ones that kept me focussed on what’s important, what I should be channelling my energy on, and made me a better person, if I’m really honest, it was Luka who was able to guide me through the dark times. He was the one that allowed me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to keep moving forward, to trust that we would come out of it ok and we would be better because of this experience.
This is unlike the other blogs I’ve written, in that it is very much a personal reflection on how I feel about having a dog in my life, many of which have been magnified this year due to the exceptional circumstances we have found ourselves in. I will share with you how eternally grateful I am to have Luka in our lives, and the ways in which more than ever, he has shown himself to be the light of our lives.
A dog gives you structure
One of the positive things to come out of the global pandemic has been the fact that mental health is being taken more and more seriously. Being confined and isolated put a spotlight on the importance of being connected with others and staying active and the role that plays on our mental health. Whilst we have come a long way to recognising mental health as being important as our physical health, what the pandemic did was really propel the issue of mental health much more at the forefront of peoples’ minds.
One thing that I saw and heard being discussed a lot during this time was the importance of having structure to your day in order to maintain your mental health. This is something that people who have lived in enforced isolation such as prisoners or people who have been taken as hostage, always talk about as a way to cope with isolation. It is human nature to yearn for structure.
If you are a dog owner, particularly a dog owner who lives in an apartment like we do, you are required to get out of your home periodically throughout the day, whether you want to or not.
During lock down, our family’s lives were turned upside down. Nothing was the same as before; As far as the children were concerned, no more nursery, no more playdates, no more nanny who would take care of them. I temporarily stopped working as a Personal Trainer, doing only a few sessions over Zoom every week. My husband was working from home full time. However, we were extremely fortunate to have the chance to go out twice every day for a family walk with the dog in the morning and afternoon. This was the only constant that we were able to maintain from our lives pre lock-down.
I can’t tell you how much those daily walks reassured me and helped me feel for that moment that life was normal.
Looking back on our lockdown experience, I have to say that those daily afternoon walks in particular, where my husband would also join us, were the best moments during lockdown. We certainly wouldn’t have done that every day, if it wasn’t for Luka. He was the reason that we were able to spend those wonderful moments together during an otherwise exceptional time, together, in nature, where things still looked the same as the time before Coronavirus.
2. Exercise yourself to exercise your dog
In addition to having structure, another things that we know to be vital to our health is movement. Whether you like to walk, or run, or lift weights or any other form of movement, is not only critical for our physical health, but also our mental health.
Having a dog like Luka means you don’t have much choice but to go on long daily walks. I would typically do 20,000 steps just walking him on a daily basis. We are lucky that he’s a pretty relaxed Vizsla, so he’s not exactly bouncing off the walls if we’re not out on a walk by 8am but he definitely needs two good walks a day or he gets a bit unsettled.
Yes, I was doing some home workouts and keeping fit, however those daily walks with Luka were really what helped me to manage my stress levels.
It’s scientifically proven that people who own dogs benefit from various health advantages, such as better cardiac health, lower cholesterol, decreased blood pressure and the list goes on. Crucially pet ownership also has a huge impact on positive mental health, such as lower incidence of depression and decreased sense of loneliness.
Having a dog means you have to get out and at least walk a little. Just by existing in your life, they give you a reason to get out and move. They give us a reason to exercise, to do it for them, even if otherwise we would not have done it for ourselves.
Luka hiking with me on the Via Alpina, 2019
3. Your dog is your mirror
Us humans are very social beings. Being social is why we have been able to flourish as a species but it is this very nature that also does us a disservice. Perhaps we hesitate to tell our friend or family member when we think they may have reacted out of proportion to a situation, or behaved in some way that wasn’t acceptable. We fear the rejection by others, so we in general prefer to keep the peace by avoiding potential conflict. If we meet someone who speaks their mind openly, we label them as being “difficult” or as having “no filter”.
Embarking on positive reinforcement based training with Luka has really taught me that when your dog behaves in a way that is undesirable to you, it’s not the dog that is being “bad”, but it is you that has not made it clear to the dog what it is that you do want them to do, or that you haven't set them up to succeed.
Through positive reinforcement, Luka has trained me to spring into action and work on enhancing our communication and bond and go back to reinforcing his training where he needs it. He pushes me to be more aware of my body language, timing of markers, consistency or communication when his recall deteriorates, or he starts to overstep boundaries. His behaviour signals to me that I need to invest more of myself into him. There’s never been a period of me investing in him that hasn’t paid off. He is a mirror to myself; if I put in the right work and stay present, he always responds with his good behaviour.
There’s no more powerful learning that comes from a being who can hold a mirror up to us with no judgement or criticism. Just unconditional love.
4. Dogs can help you build bridges
Since we got Luka 5 years ago as a newcomer to Geneva, he helped me enormously to make new friends and experience new places. Some of my closest friends today are thanks to going out for walks with our dogs together over the years, talking and sharing new experiences together. Being dog owners allows you entry into an exclusive Tribe and that’s a comforting thing to have a sense of belonging.
Even walking around town, people often stop us to ask about Luka or simply to admire him. Having a dog enables you to build social bridges with people that you may otherwise never speak to. I think that’s a pretty powerful thing, and plays an important role in connecting people.
During lockdown, talking to our doggie friends that we would bump into during our walks was the only time we had face to face interactions with anyone outside of our own family. Of course, dog walking is also an activity that is outdoors by nature and therefore easy to keep a social distance, it goes to show that even during a pandemic, walking your dog is safe and healthy!
5. You can train your child like you train your dog
I am of course saying this tongue in cheek….sort of. Having delved deep into the world of positive reinforcement with dog training, Luka has in effect trained us to focus on and reward positive behaviours, and distract from or change the undesired behaviours. The key to positive reinforcement training is all about setting your dog up to succeed and establishing clear communication. You don’t push them to failure then scold the dog for failing at what you asked of them. It’s about being patient, self-aware, and really focus on the dog you have in front of you and do things that allow you to get the best out of them. It’s about being clear in how you communicate, and being consistent in how you deliver the message.
A funny side effect to this has been that myself and my husband routinely find ourselves marking our children’s good behaviour with “Yes!” which is the marker word we use for Luka.
Dog psychology has made huge inroads over the last decades, moving from dominance and pack leader theory to games and reward based training. Any good dog trainer you see nowadays does not use physically or emotionally punitive methods to make a dog obedient. Rather, good dog trainers now respect the character of each dog and go at their pace, reward each little good behaviour. All of these latest theories put an emphasis on the dog being an intelligent animal that can make decisions for itself. It is up to us to create the right environment for that dog to make good decisions and reward them when they do. You wouldn’t put a child in a sweet shop and expect them them to make good choices about what they eat, would you?
Some of the ways in which we reward good behaviour in dogs is by giving them a treat or praise. Some trainers also focus a lot on using games which are intrinsically positive and motivating for the dog and use them to shape behaviour. These days there are games for anything, from recall, to dropping a toy, to using a crate, to teaching boundaries. The dogs have a great time, and learn some useful tricks as a by-product!
Both of the above positive methods in my mind are equally relevant for parenting a human child. Children need us to be present, to praise their achievements and good behaviour. What any child wants is our undivided attention and love, through communication and play. They don’t thrive when we constantly tell them off for bad behaviour or don’t spend any quality time with them where we are truly present.
The other side of the coin of reward and positive reinforcement is punishment. Punishment in dog psychology are split into negative punishment and positive punishment. It’s not immediately obvious which type of punishment is “positive” or “punitive”. In fact, if you look at the four quadrants of dog training, positive punishment is when something bad happens to the dog when they do a certain behaviour e.g. they are physically punished, or given an electric shock via an e-collar, or shouted at for doing something like barking at another dog or running away when you call them. Negative punishment is when something desirable to the dog is taken away with a certain behaviour. For example your dog loves other dogs and when on walks he spots another dog, will start pulling you towards the other dog. By turning away and increasing distance between your dog and the other dog, you are negatively punishing your dog by teaching him that if he pulls you, he gets taken further away from the thing he is trying to get to.
Negative punishment is something that a lot of parents have naturally adopted as a tool to gain compliance from their children; you turn off the TV when they’re not listening, you ground them for not coming home on time, take away the toy they’re playing with for hitting their sibling etc etc.
The latest dog psychology states that getting obedience from your dog via positive reinforcement or positive punishment may have the same outcomes, but very different psychological effects on the dog. Do they obey you because they’re scared of what might happen if they don’t? Or because they are happy to do what you ask of them?
Understanding the psychological affect of reward vs punishment in dogs has helped me be a much more conscious parent to my children. I see it as my most important job to spend quality time with them by playing, by being present and by being compassionate when they have big emotions. I’m not suggesting that I’m perfect at it, or even that how I choose to parent my children is the right way. But starting this journey by training Luka has definitely helped me to define what I do and don’t want my relationship with my children to be. Lockdown certainly helped to amplify and in many ways accelerated this process because we spent all of our time together exclusively for multiple weeks. This by far has been one of the biggest lesson I learnt during lockdown.
6. Dogs need boundaries…and so do humans
We have some strict boundaries as far as Luka is concerned. He is not allowed to beg for food at the table. He must lie down in his bed while we cook or eat. He is allowed on the sofa until he’s told to get off. He is not allowed on any human beds unless invited up. If he is given an order he must obey. There are a few but very firm rules that Luka abides by since his first day with us and this has meant that he can function as a well adjusted companion to the family.
Equally, we protect Luka’s wellbeing by ensuring the children have strict boundaries regarding how they are allowed to interact with Luka; no touching or bothering him if he’s in his crate (his safe space), when he’s sleeping or eating. No touching his bed, or his toys. Miya is 18 months now and she finally seems to have understood the Luka rules, which I am so happy about!
All of the boundaries in place for both dog and humans are there to protect the relationship in our household between the animal and humans. I do not want to end up in a situation where Luka bites one of my children or us and be put in a position to make an impossible decision. By having these few but clear rules, I feel it creates harmony and peace for everyone, and the children learn to respect animals.
I’m grateful to Luka, because without having a dog, I can’t imagine there would have been anything important enough to really make a firm house rule. Screen time is a flexible commodity these days, how much we fight over Kai staying at the dinner table while the rest of us finish our meals is negotiable, the kids are generally good at tidying up their toys but it doesn't happen every evening, and so on…So you see, the only firm boundaries in our home seem to pertain to Luka!
The thing I need to work on the most, as it turns out it my own boundaries. I need to learn to say yes when I should, and no when I don’t. I should be stricter about my own use of screen time….particularly as lately there is a lot of hysteria on social media pertaining to the pandemic and other current affairs which is totally unhelpful, but I’m working on those!
My two boys. They definitely thrive on being praised for good behaviour!
6. You are never alone
…especially when you have a velcro dog like Luka! He is always by my side. That’s where he’s happiest. He hates being put outside when I’m inside, or being made to wait outside a playground when I take the kids to play.
Dogs are also unique in being able to read our emotions. When we’re sad, they behave differently than when we’re happy or angry. They not only give us physical companionship, but emotional support too.
7. Stroking your dog is good for your health
Over the years, there have been many research conducted on the effects of Animal Assisted Therapy or Human Animal Interaction (HAI). One of the undisputed findings that has come out of such research is the affect stroking a friendly animal has on the decrease in blood pressure and cortisol (stress hormone) on the person.
In fact, touching another living being is a very powerful healer of stress and anxiety, as it helps to release a hormone called Oxytocin which is a hormone released when one is happy. Having a companion who is always happy to oblige to a tummy scratch or a back rub is a very powerful healing tool!
Additionally, research also suggests that the more animals children grow up with, the less likely they are to develop allergies and asthma. They think that this is because a dog brings in a plethora of microbiomes into the home, which in turn stimulates the immune system.
Aside from all of the above clinical findings, I definitely remember sitting down at the end of the day after the kids had gone to bed, cuddling Luka on the sofa as being such a nice moment of peace and calm for me during lockdown!
8. Be present
Because dogs don’t have opposing thumbs, they haven’t gotten sucked into a life of virtual social reality that is our smart phones. This means they live purely in the moment, and accepting things as they are. They are not worried about what someone is saying on social media, or what the experts predict about the future. Sure, Luka whines and gets anxious when we start packing our suitcases and he’s not sure if he’s coming with us or not, but he lives in the moment and doesn’t hold grudges. There are even some extreme moments of animals leading their humans to safety from a crisis situation, because they are not worrying about what might be; they focus on what they should be doing in that moment. The story of Roselle the Guide Dog who led her master Michael out of the collapsing Twin Towers when it was hit by two aeroplanes is an amazing example of how their ability to focus on the job in the moment is at times much more powerful than ours.
It’s a real gift to be able to detach from the past, or obsess about the future, which can often be crippling to us humans. Lockdown initially was hugely stressful for me. Then, as always, you adapt and things get better but it’s been a long time since I actually felt anxiety in any form. I was getting anxious because of what may or may not happen in the future. Of course, concerning yourself with something you can’t control has absolutely no use or meaning. It’s the ability to live in the moment, stay focussed on what you can control, and to keep moving forward that enables us to navigate life with less anxiety and stress. In this case, I worked hard to stop my mind from whirling out of control, and try to remind myself to stay focussed on being present with my children and keeping our daily routines. I think I also felt anxious about the uncertainty of how long we would have to live under lockdown conditions, but of course that is also a completely pointless exercise, because we can’t know or control that. All you can control, is to live the best that you can, with what you have, one day at a time.
This has been one of the biggest learning points for me from lockdown; focus on what you can control, don’t fixate on what you can’t.
Dogs all around the world were loving their families being home all the time of course, especially as many of our beloved pets have spent a lot of their lives waiting for us to come home from work. In many ways lockdown has been a blessing, and I like to remind myself of the good things that have come out of this terrible situation we find ourselves in.
We stayed local this summer for our holidays and had a wonderful time together!
In summary, Luka has been the catalyst for so much learning for me over the years. I’m still learning, and reminding myself of forgotten learning, because he’s so good a gently showing me that this is a never-ending journey of discovery!
We are still going through a tumultuous time right now with the second wave of COVID-19 impacting our lives greatly. To the readers out there, most importantly stay healthy, and give your dog lots of extra hugs and walks during this time that we have been gifted together!
